**Please note that this article may not be for everyone as it describes death and some aspects of dying that may upset some readers – this is also just our story and not all DIY funerals would work the same way.**

DIY Funeral

A DIY funeral is not as hard as you might think. The biggest barrier to carrying out a funeral at home is how our system is geared. Everything is working toward funeral directors, funeral homes and funerals that look and feel like the one before it… and the one before it.

It doesn’t have to be that way, and we worked this out with the help of Jo, mum’s doula. Mum had some some pretty specific requests, in regards to her funeral, such as a simple box that her grandkids could draw on, no funeral directors and just the smallest of gatherings. Her kids and their kids, her sisters and three of her closest friends. Oh, and no big announcement to the world in the papers… She knew we, her children would let those that needed to know, know.

Many of us haven’t had the need yet, to organise a funeral. Usually the ones required to organise a funeral are also grieving, so it becomes very easy for things to just follow the same script as every other funeral. Breaking from ‘the norm’ might seem difficult, but hopefully the story below will help you discover how easy it can be to have the funeral you want.

A Sidenote

Before we get into our story in detail, I will mention that Mum paid for her cremation two weeks before she died. If you live in the Southern Downs region and want to have a DIY funeral get in touch. Every facility has it’s own rules. Those rules also seem to change depending on current management, so we’ve removed any recommendations. Please get in touch and we’ll assist you.

Mum wanted to die at home. For anyone that has experienced cancer and other hospitalising illnesses, you would understand her dislike of those facilities. This has absolutely nothing to do with the care she received from some amazing nurses and doctors, but the noise, the prodding, the poking… she was done with that and at home she had her children and her garden. A garden she loved and was able to walk in right up to a few days before she died.

The Day of Death

That said, on the morning of the day that mum died, we ran in to some minor complications. It saw us call an ambulance to take her to hospital. She had been on a medication pump for a couple of days, and she wasn’t in pain. But we thought it better at this point that we had access to the support that the hospital could offer (The hospital is less than a kilometre from mums house so it was a very quick journey). This part of the DIY funeral story isn’t really that important, but explains why we were in hospital when she really didn’t want to be.

10 hours after arriving, Mum died with her children holding her. It was an incredibly emotional experience, a moment in time that I will share with my siblings forever. We had a few minutes alone, just us with her and crying. A nurse came in about five minutes later and performed an examination to confirm this. They then filled in a life extinct form, which stays with the deceased till a doctor can fill in a cause of death (Form 9). Life extinct forms are usually filled in when a cause of death is not going to be available quickly.

Often it is paramedics filling in this form so that a deceased person can be transferred by police or mortuary persons. The nurse allowed us to have as much time as we needed with mum. We gave her a sarong that mum would be dressed in for the funeral (it’s easier to do this straight away). After a doctor had been and written the CAUSE OF DEATH (Form 9), we left for the night.

The following day I returned to the hospital to enquire about what day we would collect Mum and caused a little confusion. Now, I must say in advance that this is no one’s fault. Mum had spent her entire palliative period at home. Aside from our amazing community nurse, no one at the hospital really knew much about her situation or wishes. The hospital required a STATUTORY DECLARATION (link below) from me before they would release Mum’s body into my care, and fair enough too. I filled in the form online and it read simply…

“do solemnly and sincerely declare that I will collect the remains of my deceased mother [INSERT NAME] from the [INSERT FACILITY] on [INSERT DATE] at [INSERT TIME] for the purpose of a home funeral then transportation to [INSERT NAME OF CREMATORIUM] for cremation.”

I took two copies to the local courthouse and one of the lovely people signed and stamped it for me. We made a copy of one , as we did with all the forms, for our own records.

Between her dying and picking up her body, there were a few things to sort out. The first thing you will need to do is contact the crematorium and actually book the cremation. Even if you have already paid and submitted your general application, you will need to call them to book for the day you wish to bring the body to the facility.

For the crematorium to perform a cremation, they needed the CAUSE OF DEATH (Form 9) along with a PERMISSION TO CREMATE (Form 4) from an independent doctor. To acquire a PERMISSION TO CREMATE (Form 4), you will need to provide an APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO CREMATE (Form 1) to the independent doctor. Sometimes the doctor may also provide a CREMATION RISK CERTIFICATE (Form 2), however we found this to not be necessary at Mt Gravatt Crematorium. Similar questions are answered on the Form 4 (Don’t worry, I have included a step by step of the procedure for forms at the end of this article and a flow chart).

The day of the small memorial service Mum had requested, had arrived. My brother and sisters and I drove out and over the border to a beautiful lavender farm. Mum and I had been out a few weeks earlier, on one of the many drives we took around the district, and met with the owner. She had generously offered lavender at no charge for mums coffin. I remember Mum clutching her hands to her mouth and closing her eyes as a few small tears rolled down her cheeks. This small gesture from a stranger meant to world to her. We collected enough lavender to make a gorgeous spray for Mums cardboard coffin and headed back across the border with a big day ahead.

Plan For The Unexpected

While the plan was always for Mum to die at home, that’s not how it happened. We had the task of collecting her from the hospital, ahead of us. If you have your DaisyBox (or other coffin) ready, you can take it to the hospital on the day and the staff will help move the body of the deceased into it for you. We didn’t realise this at the time so we collected Mum in a body bag. We gave our community nurse the two copies of the Statutory Declaration and took Mum home to prepare for the rest of the day.

In the weeks leading up to the funeral we began filling milk bottles with water and freezing them and a few days before the funeral we prepared some Techni Ice. Techni Ice is a polymer bound between fabric and plastic layers, that can get down to and maintain temperatures colder than frozen water. When prepared properly, the product doesn’t melt like water, so you don’t need to worry about water building up. We laid towels in the bottom of the DaisyBox (it comes with a plastic liner) and placed three sheets of Techni Ice on top of those before putting the body in. We had some sheets and other fabric we put in around the body so that if there was any condensation build up it would be absorbed easily.

I made a table the day before with a full sheet of form ply (I had this in the shed anyway) screwed down to wooden saw horses the kids had painted earlier. We never tried to hide any of this from the kids and treated each step (whether it was painting saw horses for Grammy’s table or decorating Grammy’s DaisyBox) as a part of the grieving process. It was very strong and a new painters drop sheet worked perfectly to set the scene for Mums farewell, under a gumtree on our property.

It’s not really my place to go into too much more about how we did things, as that was Mums choice and her way. How you do things will be up to you or your loved one. From here, the next step is getting the body to the crematorium.

We were not going to the crematorium straight after the service so we kept the AC running all night in one room, along with the ice packs and so on. Everything worked a treat and the next morning, loaded the DaisyBox into the back of the car and made the journey to Brisbane. I would suggest you keep a folder handy with your Form 9, Form 4 and a copy of the Statutory Declaration you gave to the hospital. Know that it is perfectly legal in Queensland to transport the body of your loved one, yourself. Know also, that there is no special license for a funeral director to be a funeral director. They are just like any other business and there is also no law in Queensland that states you must use a funeral director for any part of the process.

I really hope this run down of how we did things can help you, if you want to take complete control. We can still assist you if you are wanting to do this and have a DIY Price List for the services and products that might be of use, like the Daisybox and Techni Ice, if going this way – DIY PRICELIST.

If you just want to take control of the other part, the memorial, then please get in touch for the most competitive direct cremation in the region.

• Call your doctor (if at home) to confirm the death and provide a CAUSE OF DEATH (Form 9).
• You fill in APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO CREMATE (Form 1) and give to an independent doctor.
• Independent doctor gives you PERMISSION TO CREMATE (Form 4).
• You will give second copy (blue) of CAUSE OF DEATH (Form 9) along with PERMISSION TO CREMATE (Form 4) to crematorium staff.
• After the cremation, you will fill in the DEATH REGISTRATION APPLICATION (Form 8) and along with the original (white) copy the CAUSE OF DEATH (Form 9) send via a trackable method of post to; Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages – Qld PO Box 15188, CITY EAST QLD 4002.
• You will then apply for a DEATH CERTIFICATE online. Note that it may be best to wait a couple of days to allow time for the registry to receive your Form 8 & Form 9. Consider ordering more than one copy.
• You will need to have your ID certified by a Justice of The Peace and provide this after applying for the DEATH CERTIFICATE. You can post it to address above or have it seen in person at a local courthouse. In Stanthorpe, the easiest way to do this is simply go down to TMR QLD (Court House) and show your ID along with your receipt / receipt number from the Queensland Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages.
• A DEATH CERTIFICATE will be issued and sent out to you.

More resources – note that these forms may be out of date. Not all of these forms are for you but I have included them as reading them may help understand the process. Please check the Resources page on the main site for current relevant documents.

• Mt Gravatt Crematorium – General Application
• Statutory Declaration – Online Form
• APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO CREMATE (Form 1)
• CREMATION RISK CERTIFICATE (Form 2) (only a Doctor provides this form)
• PERMISSION TO CREMATE (Form 4) (only a Doctor provides this form)
• DEATH REGISTRATION APPLICATION (Form 8)
• Apply for a Death Certificate online

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