Someone to help show you the way…
Planning for end of life can be a tough subject for many, however in saying that, it doesn’t have to be something to deal with at end of life. You may or may not have heard of terms like ‘death doula’ or ‘death walker’ but really, an end of life doula (or end of life coach) is someone that can help anyone to plan for and be that guiding hand at the end of their lives, whether it is known to be coming soon or not.
An EOL doula is a non medical support person and can be someone that helps you get your wishes down on paper. They are there to provide support and information about your options and help you and your family to find some comfort in what can be a scary and confusing time.
They might assist you with a Statement of Choices, to clear the air about what you expect from health care workers and your family when you reach a point where you’re unable to communicate clearly.
When my mum died in early 2022, we (her children) knew exactly what she wanted because she’d made her feelings known to us and had created a Statement of Choices. While we didn’t know it at the time, we were acting as an EOL doula for her by being supportive in her decisions and helping her make clear to health care workers, what her feelings were.
Another role an EOL doula can have is to help someone make a plan for after they’ve gone. How will their funeral look like, if having a funeral at all. With the help of Jo, mum’s doula, she made it known that she wanted to die at home. She’d had enough of beeping machines. She also knew her situation was tricky and made it clear that if things became too difficult, that we shouldn’t hesitate in having the hospital take over.
With the help of Jo, mum chose to have a cardboard box that her kids and grand kids could draw on. She wanted only her children and grand children along with her sisters and three close friends to hold a small, intimate service under a tree somewhere that meant something. Everyone was on the same page and we made it happen.
Take a look at the End of Life Support page for some options available to you.
