After death planning is something that so many of us don’t think about, but is so important. My mum went into planning overdrive when she knew her time was coming. I believe many people in a similar situation would be the same. Occupy the mind and keep focused on what you can do rather than what you can’t. But everyone is different and will deal differently. Even though I spent those four to five months going through the motions, it wasn’t me that was dying, so I can’t pretend to know what it’s like.
I never thought about a will till I had kids. When there was someone. Not so much someone to leave something to, but someone to think about. Who would look after them and where will they live? It got me thinking more about organ donation and whether I wanted to be cremated or buried, but it kind of stopped at thinking about it. I think millennials call it adulting. And like so many ‘adulting’ type activities, yes, preparing a will could be mind numbingly boring, and deciding whether you will donate organs could be just too much to think about right now and yes, you won’t be here to deal with it so should you even give a rats?
Yes you should. And you should think about it sooner rather than later. I really wish I’d come across The Bottom Drawer Book sooner, as it would have been super helpful when Mum was dying. She would have enjoyed it. It addresses all those things you don’t want to think about without saying, “Hey, do this, now do that…” It’s just a casual read that brings your attention to so many areas of our lives and the lives of those around us we just don’t realise will be affected by our death.
I came across The Bottom Drawer Book because I am now looking at death and dying on a daily basis. My feed is death and dying, my emails are death and dying… I’ve surrounded myself with it, and surprisingly feel more alive than ever. Meeting other, like minded people in this space and realising there are other ways to approach it has been so rewarding.
Even if you’re not great with journals or diaries, The Bottom Drawer Book can work for you. Just have a pen handy while you read it and make notes. Lisa has very cleverly made the book in a way that you don’t feel too precious about it. Scribble something down, cross it out… red pen, blue pen, green pen… it doesn’t really matter. I approached it from the point of view that I was reading it for someone else. But then I would just make a note here and a note there, and suddenly it’s my copy now. I have by no means finished writing, but I’m 43. I don’t plan on needing it just this minute, but I do hope one day it can make the job of working out what I want easier for those I leave behind. So that’s my approach. Keep it on the bedside table and take a look every now and then, and things should be sorted when it’s my time.
The other great thing about the book is even if you don’t fill it out for yourself, it gives you a detailed but casual insight into what can happen at the end. There is so much we just don’t know until we are in that situation, and having to work out what all these things are when we are sad and stressed often adds to the confusion.
This is not a paid review, I simply bought the book after reading a few of Lisa Herbert’s columns and articles I found scattered across the web.
If you would like to purchase your own copy or even the eBook, I suggest doing so directly from Lisa via her website The Bottom Drawer Book – The After Death Action Plan .