Writing a Eulogy
Writing a eulogy can feel like a huge responsibility. How do you sum up someone’s whole life in a few minutes?
The good news is, you don’t have to. A eulogy isn’t a biography. It’s a chance to help the people in the room remember who this person was and what they meant to everyone there.
Leave the life story out
It’s tempting to include everything… where they were born, every job, every house, every grandchild, every holiday. All of that matters to the family, but most people listening already know the basics. What they may not know are the stories and little details that bring the person to life.
So rather than covering everything, pick the things that say the most about them.
Tell us who they were
A good eulogy leaves people with a feeling for the person, not a list of facts. Maybe…
It’s often these everyday things people remember most.
Stories beat lists
Instead of saying:
John was generous, hardworking and loved his family.
Tell the story about the time John drove three hours in the middle of the night to help someone whose car had broken down. Nobody needs to be told he was generous after that.
A funeral brings together people from all parts of someone’s life, family, old mates, neighbours, workmates, the footy club… and not everyone knows the same stories. A good one gives each of them a glimpse of a side of the person they might not have known.
How long should it be?
There’s no perfect length, but shorter is usually better. Five to ten minutes is plenty to say something meaningful.
When you’re grieving, it can feel like leaving something out is leaving part of them behind. It isn’t. Their life was always going to be bigger than anything said at a funeral. Your job is just to tell a meaningful part of it.
A simple way to structure it
1. Start with who they were
Margaret was the sort of person who made you feel welcome before you’d even sat down.
2. Pick two or three things that mattered
The things they loved, the people who mattered to them, what they were known for. Two or three is enough.
3. Tell a story or two
They don’t need to be extraordinary. The simplest stories often say the most, whether they make people smile, laugh or shed a tear.
4. Say what they meant to people
5. Finish simply
You don’t need a grand ending. Sometimes the best one is just:
Thank you, Dad, for everything. We were lucky to have you.
It’s ok to make people laugh
A funeral doesn’t have to be solemn every minute. If they were funny or a bit mischievous, let people remember that. If there’s a story that always cracks the family up, this might be exactly the place for it. Laughter and tears sit pretty close together at a funeral, and that’s just remembering someone honestly.
Don’t stress about perfect
A eulogy isn’t a legal document. Check a date if you can, but don’t let worrying about small details stop you telling the stories that matter. And you don’t need to be a writer. Write it like you’re talking to the people in the room. Your own voice will mean far more than polished words that don’t sound like you.
If you’d like someone to read over it or help you get started, just ask.
One last thought
The best eulogies leave people thinking “That sounds exactly like them”, or “I wish I’d known them better.” That’s really all a eulogy needs to do… bring a little of that life back into the room.